My Drunk Prince Charming
by chaann
Summary: AU - While moping around drunk over being completely alone for the first time on his birthday, our dear alcoholic Sasori phones up a party place and hires an entertainer in an attempt to not feel so depressed. Sasodei/Yaoi/oneshot - edited


Another bottle slammed against the table as Sasori finished off the last of the gold liquid. Bottle after bottle he drank, and yet he could still feel the agony of being all alone. Maybe just one more bottle... It's not like it would hurt, right?

Running a hand through his red hair, he looked at the various photos of his past. Him with his dear family all gathered around the table, year after year, the cake in the middle gaining more and more candles as time went by. Something else that was noticeable was that at some point the picture had less and less people though. When his parents passed, they were of course no longer in the pictures. Then when he became socially withdrawn, he quickly lost his friends and only had his grandmother for comfort.

Year after every damn year she did her best to provide for her only grandson. No matter what, he remained as sad as ever, becoming more depressed, pessimistic, and far more condescending. However, even as Sasori became a socially awkward adult, she was there. Up until now that is.

His grandmother died one hundred, fourty three days prior to his twenty-fifth birthday. This was the time he would be all by himself.

Go out drinking with friends? Ha! Of course he didn't have friends; he was dreadful to be around. A buzzkill. A douchebag. A fucking stick up the ass. Yeah, he was them all. For that he would pay the ultimate price and celebrate his first birthday, truly all alone.

Being miserable everyday of the year already didn't help. Year after year. But at least he had someone there on that one certain special - Grandmother Chiyo.

Sasori took another long chug of the beer until he needed a good breath. Looking down at the bottle he panted and furrowed his browns. It was half empty. Half empty like stupid life.

Shifting around his seat at the kitchen island, he looked at the pages of the phone book in front of him and let out a disgruntled noise. He flipped between two pages and scowled at the idea of hiring a horrendous clown for a party, getting a bounce house or the best piñata supplies in town.

Although... Eh... Maybe the clown wouldn't be so bad. It would mean he wouldn't be alone, right?

His eyes gazed over the page in a drunken matter and landed on an ad in the shape of a castle. "Hire royalty to come to your party...R-royal themes parties...just a d-dial away." He read slurred. He burst out laughing, if he could hire a friend for a couple hours, it might as well NOT be a clown. Princesses were hot anyway.

"I'm n-not going t-to be alone tomorrow!"

-/-

Sasori groaned as he continued to roll around his bed. What a morning it had been. Dreadful morning. He woke up, screamed, cringed, threw up, and then took a handful of painkillers. What he had done the night prior was clearly not worth it. That's not entirely true... He sure as hell couldn't remember anything other than being a lonely, miserable drunk.

Nevermind. Yes, it was not worth it at all.

As time went on the blistering pain began to subside, but was still all too there. Sasori decided to crack open a box of cookies and a bottle of water to ease his vague hunger pains. He made many thanks he could eat and not throw up now, and that the current knocking at his door didn't make him as miserable as it probably would have three hours ago.

Damn magic cookies.

As he got up to answer it, he put his drink down, walked past a mirror and cringed. His eyes were baggier and droopier than ever, his hair was everywhere, his shirt wasn't even covering his stomach completely as his pale stomach peeked out. His sweatpants hung off his body with a slant and the cookie crumbs all over his face didn't help him not look like a slob.

Is this what life had in store for him from now on?

"Meh." He shrugged before he staggered to the door. As he opened it, he narrowed his eyes as he saw a very well dressed person digging around in a bag, a boxed cake nearby.

"Uh." Sasori groaned in confusion when the person failed to realize the door had been answered.

The person, who was dressed as a Prince, hopped up from the bag with a smile that quickly dropped as soon as they saw the redhead. The Prince cringed a little before they dug into their pocket. "Is this 5450 Akatsuki blvd. ?" The man asked, befuddled, as he looked at a small paper from his pocket and then at Sasori, unsure that this dirty place that would have a child.

Sasori looked the Prince over and blinked slowly trying to process what was going on. Cake? Balloons? An entertainer?

...Was he having a party?

"Yeah that's this place." Sasori replied, sounding just as confused as blond in front of him.

"Is there a birthday boy..." The stranger looked at the card once more, "Sasori here?"

"Yes that's me."

They raised both eyebrows. "Um, were you even expecting me?"

Sasori pondered the thought for a moment and leaned against the door frame while scratching his showing stomach. He did drink a lot last night and he had been moping about being alone on his birthday. He did do this, yes? Yes! He called the castle ad in the phone book while he had been drinking.

Yes.

"Why aren't you dressed as princess?" Sasori asked a little angry now, ignoring the others previous question. The ad had said 'Princess rentals for your little girl's birthday!'. This person was clearly dressed as a Prince and not a Princess.

The stranger gave Sasori an unimpressed look. "I'm a guy that's why, you dipshit. Now did you order this party kit or not, cause if no and you don't pay me now, I'm just wasting my time and money on you."

Sasori sneered at the blond before reaching for his wallet from his jeans that were lying on the floor. "Yes it's my birthday, and yes I must have hired you. So come on in and let's have me a fucking pity party." He grumbled counting out some bills. "Again, why aren't you a princess?"

The blonde's face changed from unimpressed to something along the lines of disgusted. "When we said the Princesses were all taken, you said a Prince would be just fine." He scowled, taking the stack of money and counting out how much he needed. "And FYI, we're not a prostitute business so if you're disgruntled and lonely -"

"Please. Just..." Sasori cut him off and slouched against the wall with a loud thud. "I just don't want to be alone today. Even for an hour or so, stay." He gave the blond a pathetic look and slowly turned into a wandering gaze as he eyed up the blond's pretty face. "If you change your mind about the prostitute thing though, I have money."

The Prince snorted and stuffed the money into his pocket, handing back the extra cash he was given. Picking up the party items, he walked past the redhead into the house. Immidiately he cringed at the sight of the messy house for a moment. Clothes and bottles all over the counters and floor, dishes piling up in the sink and a strong stench of sadness and filled the air. Almost like the stench of a teenage boy's bedroom...

"Name's Deidara by the way. Prince Deidara, yeah." The entertainer finally said sticking a hand out to the unfortunate looking man who had officially hired him.

"Hm." Sasori grunted as he shook the hand in return.

Now that was over with, Deidara got to work. Pushing aside the crap on the floor with his foot, he made an effort to clear a space so he could get started setting up the decorations. Streamers hung from the ceiling and a small tank of helium helped make the balloons look extra peppy. A roll of paper opened up into a castle with a hole in the tower door for pictures, even a pin the sword on the knight game was stuck onto the wall. Last but not least, a dragon piñata and a sword shaped beating stick were put up.

Standing back, he admired his work for a moment. Deidara deemed it complete, so he dug through the last bag and handed Sasori a golden plastic crown saying "birthday boy" and sprinkled large confetti on the ground. All in all, the place still looked pretty dreary with the bright children's decorations amongst the dingy grey living room slash kitchen.

Sasori took the crown and pondered a moment before finally gave the Prince a good look over as he continued to give the place the last touches of razzle dazzle - which was opening the dark bed sheet curtains.

The Prince wore a black coat decorated with gold tasseled shoulders and buttons, a red-gold trimmed sash, tight high waisted white trousers, black ankle boots adorned with more gold clasps and the long sword hanging off the black belt around his waist. It was a high quality costume...

And the man beneath it wasn't so bad either.

His blond hair was tied into a low ponytail, a section of fringe covering his face making him look mysterious. Blue eyes popped behind a layer of dark makeup that slowly blended into his tan skin. The face was really nice too, but every moment the blond bent over with his backside facing Sasori was a gift of its own.

Not too shabby at all.

If the blond were an actual prostitute, he could be making so much more money than he would entertaining at children's parties. Maybe parties for women would be a better idea. Perhaps he does do them? It really got Sasori thinking about how desirable the blond was, and he had a good hunch the Prince was gay.

If that wasn't hint of a gay lisp he heard than the kid had a major speech problem.

Stopping his staring, Sasori scowled to himself. Here he was drinking and enjoying himself. How rude. "You want a drink or...?" He asked whipping about a few bottles of various liquors in case the blond wanted more options. Sweet liquors, hard liquors, spicy ones - he had them all.

"Well I'm not allowed to drink on the job..." Deidara muttered as he eyed up the surprising yet not so surprising variety of liquor bottles.

"I have tap water?" Sasori threw in there, pointing towards the dirty sink full of dishes.

Deidara gaze turned away from the disgusting sight and over to a nice bottle of wine. He pursed his lips and hummed. As long as he didn't have too much he'd be ok, right? Besides, it's not like there were any kids or judgmental parents around. They were both mature adults.

"Wine please."

Sasori smirked and nodded at the blonds eventual cave in to the liquor. Opening a cupboard he grabbed a cup and began pouring him a drink. What surprised Deidara was the fact the cup was actually a coffee mug.

"Wow this is a lot...no wine glasses?" He asked as he felt a little odd drinking alcohol out of a mug that usually held hot drinks.

Quirking an eyebrow, Sasori looked into the mug to do to double check what he had given him. "That's a lot?" he asked a little surprised since he would usually drink four times that piddly amount in one sitting. Sighing, he the turned around to where he thought he saw a wine glass. Picking up the glass, he frowned that it had a splash of dried dark red and two cigarette butts at the bottom of it. "Not at the moment, no."

Laughing, Deidara and took a sip. "Mm this is really good..." And then took a few big gulps before putting it down. "Do you want me to do my bit as well?" He asked adjusting his belt that held the fairly real looking sword.

"Yeah sure do your bit." Sasori murmured half heartedly as he grabbed himself a hearty glass of gin and sat on the couch that was made of more clothing than actual furniture.

Deidara looked up in the air as if he were pondering his next move. Sasori didn't blame him at all since he was probably used to multiple screaming children instead of one depressed alcoholic sitting on a couch made of dirty laundry.

"Hello my good sir! King of the land, Booze." Deidara started in a foolish accent, already getting a chuckle from Sasori. "Dreary day it would appear, does it not? I guess that could be considered just another day in November though, correct?"

"Heh, yeah I guess..."

Before he continued, Deidara took another big gulp of his wine. "Your Majesty, sir! Wait! I do believe tis your birthday! Should we not have a lil celebration!?" he then spoke enthusiastically as if he were speaking to a child.

"I think we should yes...and who might be you sir?" Sasori chuckled, following along with the role playing and taking a swig of his own drink before filling it up again.

"I am Prince Deidara from the land of Manners!"

Sasori snorted. "Manners?"

"I perform for kids, so you-ith should shut up-ith, yeah."

Sasori rolled his eyes and swirled his drink around the cup. "So why would you come all this way dear Prince to cheer up a grumpy King in his birthday."

"Because Boozey needs to learn some manners, yeah." Deidara laughed taking another large drink, Sasori joining him in drinking and laughing.

They started off with the pin the sword on the knight and both failed. Whoever did the worst though had to do a shot of vodka. They then took some humorous photos with the fantasy backdrop. Afterwards they did the dragon piñata, or at least tried but found it too difficult to accomplish while drinking, so ended up smashing it while it was on the floor and pigged out happily.

Sasori sat foreword "How about we pig out on that cake next?" He suggested a little slurred using his thumb to point at the fridge where he put it.

They looked at each other briefly before hopping up and running like children to the kitchen that was attached to the living area, Deidara taking a place at a stool by the island counter.

Whipping out the cake from the fridge, Sasori snorted loudly at the goofy cartoon design of dragon. He went to ask why it looked so dumb, but grabbed a knife anyway and went to cut it.

Cake somehow sounded really tasty right now.

"No no! No no no nooo..." Deidara slurred and then broke out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. He took a moment to catch his breath. "We haftsta poot tha candles on silly!"

Sasori froze, looked at the knife and then the cake. "Why w-would we put candles on a caaake, silly?" He finished speaking by sneering in a foolish manner, being sure to crinkle his nose so the blond got the message he was being a weirdo.

Laughing some more, Deidara reached into his work bag and pulled out a box of candle and use them to smack the redhead in the face playfully. "Cause it's yo birfsay, silly!"

Sasori furrowed his eyebrows and then laughed again. "You're sooo right!" He yelled taking the candles and sticking them in. "One...two...three..." He started placing them in a very uneven line. "Twenty-two...twenty-three...twenty-four...twwweeenttty-FIVE!"

Deidara looked at all the candles and dropped his jaw dramatically. "So many - like wow!" He then stood up and leaned over the cake so he was inches away from Sasori's face. "Y'know, you're awful cute for someone so super ol-duh!" He remarked before leaning back and sitting back down on the stool to have a giggle fit as well as another drink.

"Old?" Sasori scowled grabbing a lighter. "I'm not old..." He then muttered at he began lighting the candles.

Deidara scoffed and pointed out the candles while counting them. "That makes you like...two, three...six years older than me!"

Sasori counted on his fingers. "So you're twenty?"

Putting his head down into his, Deidara laughed quietly to himself for a moment. "Nooo! I'm nineteen ya dummy, yeah."

Sasori scrunched his face and stood there a moment. He smiled and smacked his forehead. "Oh yeah! You're right!"

Clapping his hands and getting up quickly, sending himself down to the floor for a moment, Deidara found his way back up as well as a light switch which he turned off. He came back to his stool and looked at Sasori over the glow of the many candles.

"You know Deidara, I usually hate being with new people, but I had a lotta of fun today." Sasori sighed lookng at the flames flicker "Drinking alone used to be the very very very best. Never did I ever ever think drinking with a-anyone could be this much more more much better."

"Happy birthday, Sasori."

"Thank you Deidara."

And he blew out the candles making the room dark.

"What did ya wish for?" Deidara asked turning on the light before he grabbed his glass of liquor to finish it off.

Sasori smirked and leaned against the wall, giving the blond a flirty look over. "If I tell you, then it won't come true." he chuckled as he licked his lips and placed a slice of the cake in front of where Deidara had been sitting.

Deidara returned the smirk and walked up and grabbed the cake Sasori had been holding. He broke off a piece with the fork and held it up so he could feed it to Sasori.

"Okay, we're getting there." Sasori chuckled after he swallowed the bite.

Deidara hummed and this time grabbed Sasori's hand, making him raise his eyebrow at what the blond was going to do. Taking the hand, he raised a single finger and crammed it into the cake. Sasori remained confused until the Prince stuck the icing and cake covered finger in his mouth to suck it clean again.

He swirled his tongue around the finger and slid it in and out with a smacking noise making Sasori blush. "Yeah... that's also close, so close, but it's not quite my wish."

Deidara huffed, dropped down the hand and walked down the hallway to where a bedroom was located at the end, leaving Sasori still sitting at the island confused yet again. "Get down here, birthday boy!" He called loudly.

Sasori got up a little bewildered and made his way down the hallway. The blond wasn't going to... he could possibly be planning... "Uh, ok. Why?" he asked. Deidara on the other hand stood inside the bedroom hastily removing the jacket to his costume.

"I'm going to make your wish come true, so hurry up!"

Sasori stood still for a moment before looking down at his his cup and swigging back the last amount of alcohol. He cringed at the taste, put it down on the table top and then bolted down the rest of the hallway, yanking his own clothes off in the process.

Perhaps his wish really was going to come true.

When he got there Deidara was standing at the foot of the bed, only wearing the high waist white trousers, yet they were undone. He was busy taking the elastic and ribbon out of his hair so he didn't focus any of his attention on Sasori. When he did look up though, he giggled at the sight of Sasori already being dressed down to his tighty whities. He continued to laugh and turned around so his backside was facing Sasori. He slowly slid down the pants and nearly killed Sasori right there when he gave the redhead a good look at the white thong he was wearing.

Not even needing to see the redheads confused face, "These trousers show the worst pantylines." Deidara chuckled as he continued to shimmy out of the the pants, letting them drop to the floor.

Deidara jumped on the unmade bed and spread his legs by raising one of them high. Sasori hopped on the bed after him and began kissing him uncontrollably. Lips, neck, chest - Deidara got kissed everywhere.

"You know Sasori-Danna, that cake tasted really good off you." Deidara mumbled, thinking about when he sucked his finger clean. "Just imagine what it would taste like off." He leaned back down and ran his hands along his smooth chest. "Me."

Taking the obvious hint, Sasori ran back to the kitchen with great speed and grabbed one of the two slices of birthday cake. He re-entered the room and smiled as he caught the blond in the act of removing the small thong. Sasori also returned the action and removed his own bottoms and took his place on the small hips.

Deidara moaned at the feeling of Sasori's ass on his dick. He spread his arms out in submission, but ground his hips upwards against the man on top of him. Sasori smirked and ground back down on Deidara a few times himself before going back and focusing on what was beneath him - the cake and his present.

Sasori moved off the hips and in between the tan legs as he grabbed a small dollop of cake in his hand. He smirked and smeared it from nipple to nipple making Deidara sigh and arch his back at the still chilly dessert on his warm skin. Sasori lowered his head and began eating the cake off the smooth chest, stopping to suck harsh on areas to clean extra good, as well as leave small hickies.

Deidara continued to moan at the feeling, going as far as the rake his fingers through the dirty red hair. If his work found out he was doing this, he'd get canned for sure. All that didn't matter at the moment, he was having way too much fun being smothered in birthday cake. Who knew he could have such a kink?

Sasori slid the hand that put the cake on the blonds chest and moved it upwards to Deidara's mouth. The blond happily took a few long licks at the hand before taking in the multiple iced digits in his mouth to suck clean. He then pulled away his hand from the blond's mouth and replaced it with his mouth. Groaning, he enjoyed the taste of the Prince's saliva mixed with the birthday cake. Who knew he could have such a kink?

Not being one with much patience, as well as already slick fingers, Sasori lowered his hand and stuck a finger inside the the blond. Deidara furrowed his eyebrows and focused on the sweet kiss instead. His sticky chest chaffed against the redheads causing a slighty painful friction that added to the feeling of having his ass prodded.

Sasori sat up with the one finger still in Deidara and moved down so he was lying on his stomach with his face inches away from the blonds rigid dick. He blew on it making the blond gasp and smothered some cake on the tip. He then added more of the soft buttercream icing to help the second finger slide in easier. He looked at his work longingly and put the length in his mouth, happily fingering Deidara while at it.

Deidara's moans became more and more louder. While being distracted, the third finger was pushed in fairly quickly but Sasori still took his time stretching his gift, adding more icing and sucking harder as he continued on. He pushed on down to the base and back over and over, slowly building up a rhythm that matched his fingering.

"Ahn!"

He didn't even have to say a word. Sasori gave a wide smirk and hit the same spot over and over. Deidara tossed his pretty blond head to the side and panted as he threw his legs up and wrapped them around Sasori's head.

Sasori happily groaned at the feeling of the soft thighs pressing against his jaw and head and smiled at the fact he was making these cute noises come out. Feeling the quickening pulse on his tongue and the rapid clenching around his fingers, he pulled back and pumped a few times holding his mouth open as let Deidara cum on his face.

"That was fun." He mused and sat up to look at the blonds panting face instead.

Deidara huffed and looked up to see a mixture of cake, saliva and cum on the redheads face and groaned incredibly loud. "Ok! Enough stretching and fuck me already, yeah!"

Not being able to take much more of this himself, Sasori wiped at his face with the back of one hand and the back of the other arm. He grabbed his dick and pressed it against the small hole and marveled as the head slipped in and out easily, but had more had trouble as it didn't want to stretch beyond that.

"Actually, I'd rather do another position..." Deidara hummed a moment before flipping the position by shoving Sasori down onto his back. "Birthday boy is getting a treat, un." He giggled grabbing the other males length and holding it and he slowly sat back down on it.

Sasori moaned as he was slowly enveloped in the blond's tight heat. He looked at the erotic sight of the other groaning in pain as they took in more and more. He groaned in pain briefly as well as Deidara clamped down on him extra hard momentarily, but quickly got over it.

Deidara held his position as he tried to relax and get accustomed to have a dick up his ass. Starting off quite slowly but quickly moving faster, the entertainer began plunging himself down, grinding his hips back and forth while doing so. The moans were getting more rapid and higher. It was music to Sasori's ears, better music than any symphony and started to thrust up when the blond thrust down to increase the pace and impact strength. He slowly began to sit up and when finally sitting upright he grabbed the blonds hips and took control in thrusting faster.

Deidara's moans turned into quick, breathy yelps as his prostrate was struck. His head lulled back and then forward to rest on the redheads shoulder. He dug his nails into Sasori's back and clenched teeth into the shoulder in an attempt to quiet himself.

Feeling his upcoming end, Sasori pushed the blond onto his back and reached a hand down and began stroking Deidara in an attempt to make him cum with him. Deidara threw his head back again, but when he went to put it on the shoulder he met with Sasori's lips. Sasori was quick to shove his tongue into the more than happy to oblige mouth. Saliva was rapidly swapped as it dripped out from their mouths and down Deidara's chin and neck.

"Danna, I'm gonna cum!" Deidara whined against Sasori's open mouth.

Said redhead only grunted in response and bucked his hips shoving Deidara back down onto his back without slipping out. He began to thrust and stroke harder making Deidara choke out a cry and he came in the hand that was holding him. Sasori kept thrusting into the quivering shaking body and moaned out how tight it got around him. He gave a loud breathy moan and he came inside.

As he finished milking out the last of his cum, he watched his gift whine at each slow movement inside him as he came down from his own high. Sasori slowly let himself down onto Deidara's sticky chest while said male simply squirmed to lower his head so he could face the redhead.

Groaning, Sasori happily let the other peck a few more kisses in his face. He felt bad, really. In all his years of finding his birthdays with his parents and grandmother to be the best. He felt so bad since this one made them all look like crap. Drinking, party games and sex with a fucking gorgeous blond - that's pretty hard to beat.

Placing a hand on Deidara's trembling thigh, he stroked it until the blond calmed down and slowly fell asleep. Sasori smiled broadly and joined in, grabbing a blanket and covering them up. He was certainly not one to turn down a quick power nap.

-/-

Deidara groaned and curled his toes as he began to wake up. Doing this he woke Sasori up with him.

"Mmm." Sasori groaned as he kissed the blond's temple "Can I hire you again next year?"

Rolling over, Deidara faced the redhead and gave him a quizzical look. "Hire me?"

"To do birthdays..." Sasori added quietly. Secretly hoping that the blond didn't take what he said about hiring him to have sex the wrong way.

Deidara continued to stare blankly until reality hit him like a ton of bricks. He was supposed to be working.

"What time is it? What have I done? I could get fired for this!" Deidara yelled shoving Sasori right off of him and rolling over to face the alarm clock sitting on the bedside table. "Fuck!" He rolled again but this time onto the floor and crawled over to his Prince outfit that had been tossed into a pile onto the floor.

Sasori watched the blond struggle to find his pant pocket and sighed. After today it was back to the same old-same old. He reached over to the bedside table and glanced at the clock before going through the drawer and pulling out a bottle of hooch. Boy Deidara sure had been at his place a long time... He had only paid the entertainer for probably one hour ended up getting five.

"Nineteen missed calls!? Nineteen!?" Deidara shrieked before immediately regretting it as he clenched his pounding head. He was supposed to leave this gig at the most two hours ago and go straight to the next one. How long was he having sex for? He had been sleeping too? Now that he was a mess, he couldn't go back to work now with a crumpled costume and that he had to forget about driving since he was still partially drunk, sorta hung over.

Deidara snatched his mobile and quickly phoned his boss."Shit, shit! Hello sir I - No! Yes... Mmm... But sir I actually can't!"

Sasori listened in on as best as he could. He actually felt a little guilty about this as something in his brain told him this was possibly his fault. He also raised an arm and cringed as he sniffed himself. Damnit he needed a shower. Why that super cute naked boy on the floor had sex with him was beyond comprehension.

Perhaps that wish he made did actually have some sort of magic behind it.

"Well sir I can't...drive... Well um, I was sorta..." Deidara glanced at Sasori who was still lying on the bed with the bottle of liquor. "Offered a drink that was actually wine and..." He whipped the phone away from his ear as the man on the other end started to scream. Deidara crawled over and grabbed the bottle from Sasori's lips and had a drink of his own. Sasori smirked at the younger male's ability to cope under pressure and ruffled the long hair lovingly.

'YOU'RE FIRED!'

Deidara gasped and had a drop of the liquor drip down his chin while Sasori just raised both eyebrows, hearing the other man yell over the phone. Yanking the phone back to his ear, all that was left was silence and then a dial tone. "Dammit!" he cursed, standing up and flopping back onto the bed beside the redhead. "Now I need a new job! How am I going to afford my rent and bills next month? I'll be kicked out, yeah!"

Sasori hummed and crawled over to lie on his stomach so he was facing the blond from an upside down position. "If you need a place to crash, you are more than welcome to stay here."

"Yeah, and pay with sex right?" Deidara pouted.

"Nah. I can understand that you drank a little too much, felt some pity for me and that's the only reason you did it. Trust me," He sighed out a laugh. "I wouldn't even want to sleep with me."

Deidara rolled onto his left side and Sasori followed by rolling onto his right so they could both lie down and face each other. "You're not that bad. Sure you could take better care of yourself. The sex was great though, totally would do that again." He kissed Sasori's lips lightly before pulling back and adding one more thing. "Bathe more please."

Sasori savored the blond's kind words a moment, that he was good for something, but he specifically listened to the latter words as he recalled smelling himself earlier. "Wouldn't hurt. Want to have a shower?"

Deidara spread his legs, looked at the sticky white mess and cringed. "Yeah, that would be great." He chuckled, then stopping to look back at Sasori. He groaned loudly as he sat up, a sour look forming on his face. "You need one too. I changed my mind, if you want sex again, that REALLY needs to change."

"Yeah, sure."

"And you HAVE to do something about the smell of this place. It reeks!"

"Uh-huh."

"The mess also needs to be taken care of, and would it kill you to let some sunlight into this place, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Oh! And could you lay off the booze? That can't be good for you at all. Where did you even get that beer you were just drinking anyway? Do you even have a job?"

"I think you need to move out."

Deidara smirked and stuck out his tongue. "You got me fired with your booze and magic sex appeal, yeah. You owe me, yeah."

"Mm, I guess you did give me the best birthday I could have asked for, and of my life." Sasori murmured as he sat up as well. "I pulled a good move not slamming the door on your face earlier."

Deidara sighed, leaned in and pressed his lips against the others. "That's right. Happy Birthday again Sasori."

"Thank you." Sasori whispered against the blonds lips. "My dear drunk Prince Charming."

"You need to brush your teeth as well, your mouth is a definite fire hazard!" Deidara added backing up a little bit to send Sasori a stern look. Apparently it's not appealing to have multiple liquors on your breath.

Flopping onto his back, Sasori groaned an rubbed his eyes and head. "You were a party entertainer and now you're my grandmother, perfect."

"What happened to Prince Charming, yeah." Deidara frowned, kicking the older male in the ribs. "Now c'mon!" He yelled, immediately regretting it. "Round two is in the shower, last one there is a rotten egg, yeah."

Sasori smiled as he watched the other male skip off like a bunny down the hall to the bathroom. Someone out there had to be looking out for him. Sasori ha yet to spend a birthday all alone, and if he could help it, he would make the necessary changes to keep the Prince in it. Dealing with his depression by drinking had failed to make him happy. Deidara was just what the redhead needed and for the first time in a while, he knew he was going to be ok.

"I guess the saying was right, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and a Prince Charming for everyone."

"Actually...on second thought about round two." Deidara started, calling to Sasori who remained down the hall. He raised a hand to cover his mouth. "I think I'm going to throw up, yeah."

* * *

><p>Happy birthday to me, and to Sa-so-ri. you look like a monkeyyy and ya smell like one too. ew I'm 19<p>

the ending was vague so here is a brief fill in: sasori tried to make the necessary changes to a better life with deidaras help. wonderful and positive changes were made. deidara was so impressed by the effort sasori put for him they fell in love. deidara found the little quirks too be very cute and now has a cutie pie redhead to baby. sasori is now less depressed and with a lot of effort and hardship, has gotten over his drinking problem and stopped smoking because deidara and i said it's gross. the end.


End file.
